Even $1000 would help this crippled,sick desperate woman alone
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| Website: brokenlife.com |
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Dear Philanthropists, Thank you for at least reading this.First, I wish for you to know that I would like to give the money back or come to some kind of deal. As so many, I never knew such a thing existed nor would I have even considered being on this end--I have and believe in being the one who gives and have given thousands to friends and and my favorite animal and vet charities--even through all this I still go for 6 years now to feed a stray cat colony in Avenel, NJ. This is not for some kind of brownie points but I am terribly ashamed to do this at all. Please forgive the length. I can verify all.
2 years ago I became crippled with severe osteo-arthritis and a vascular problem in left leg from a freakish cycling accident many years ago but still working best I could in private duty home care and looking forward to getting the health insurance I needed so badly after re-financing my income- producing home. I live roughly in the basement--that is not a problem--I was still happy but struggling. Horrible history of being victimized by an unsrupulous lawyer but even that was OK--I built back up to a frugal but happy little life ready to marry and get the insurance I so needed and return to my full time work after recuperation. My fiance is in the auto industry(-he needs it too) and we all know what that means--his insurance has no wait for pre-existing conditions--no more. No fiance anymore either.But God still helps I believe. About 16 months ago I had terrible insomnia and one thirty second period of what I thought was depression but later to find that it was derealization--everything looked so strange and felt strange and blurry out of NO anxiety at all but did not think much of it-I started getting agitated for no reason-began slurring my speech-rhere was no unusual stress and I have never had an depressive or anxiety disorder even through the worst times.It is not drug related in any way. When my 15 year old Nissan broke down as it has a hundred times, that one day I went into a strange depression that I later found was derealization--a horrible state of mind 24/7. Is this perimenopause? One does not slur their speech in peri-menopause.I could not eat for a month because I could not understand what was happening to me. Then all the physical symptoms appeared --one after another and overnight I became a psychiatric and physical mess. Even trying to write this coherently is difficult as I transpose my words. Through very limited funds I tried to research as best I can first--I either have Cushings Disease and/or Lyme's disease as I did some testing--the cheapest I could. After a year I am getting sicker and sicker. If it definitely is Cushing's disease==then perhaps I can get the NIH trials and with Lyme's I can order the antibiotics myself. Physical pain can be much more bearable than the mental pain. I hung on this long because I know it is organic in nature. I really believe it is Lyme's as I got a positive serology on an unreliable test. Cushing's disease even with high cortisol does not cause your eyelids not opening at the same time. I have had the better testing kit sitting here for 8 months but was sidetracked on saving my situation.
Through this year, I have lived in the negative even though frugally and very lonely--friends cannot help me and I am losing them fast because they cannot understand why I have such a personality change--whatever is left of my family are in Europe. For 9 months even with the severe psychiatric pain I did the best I could in running the household of tenants. I tried 9 months ago to make a deal with an investor which was promising so I may stay here to manage the licensed rooming house till we aggressively sold after a year--he even sunk money into refurbishing a kitchen to the new difficult tenant in a back apartment which I did not want. The rent was too cheap for that and then the investor's attorney called to say that he will cheat me on the back end but I did not care at that point because I just wanted to heal. My credit was very good. I even worked with the terrible mental state till even crutches were too painful. Such a waste of time and money and then 2 new investors were interested very much but though I am licensed for many years-somehow I did not have the certificate of occupancy-which was bewildering as my mother whom I have inherited the property from was licensed many more years. More time wasting and I got the certificate. I really wanted a deal that I could stay for a while and at least get my mind back and maybe get state help for the medical issues. One terrible thing happened after another and through every suicide inclination, I hung on because I know there is something wrong physically but I cannot go on with despair and drowning in debt. I can verify everything-I can even send pictures of my rotting purple leg--I cannot prove what is in my head--derealization is such a disturbing state of mind-an altered reality you do not ever want to be in. Now the last client after wasting 2 more months of waiting of vacationing lawyers did not want to pay for the title search or appraisal--though he was very interested so that I can stay for at least 6 months. All these months I could have been in the selling market but I am too sick to deal with it.
There are terrible stories out there and I know children are valuable---I am alone and just have my pets who are precious A year ago, I envisioned being back in class and back to nursing where I belong. Please, I am desperate as others are--the stories are heartbreaking. But I am so fragile and vulnerable now. My creativity is under wraps somewhere. There are just too many details and terrible events mixed in. I am asking for financial help with my mortgage payments for 2 months that I have missed because of my job loss, illness and trying to get some medications that I desperately needed. I can prove everything--even the tenant that has put me in arrears because of his overhaul unnecessary remodeling. I am now trying to sell the house outright--I am weak from ill health and my mental state is bad not only situationally but very much from my brain-altering sudden illness. I just domehow want to know what is wrong with me. I just wanted to stay and heal for awhile. O absolutely cannot incur another doctor;s bill. I tried charity care and everything I know. I was always so strong and need to be again so I may do the helping. I am just hanging on now by a thread. If you are interested, I can make a reasonable house deal--you may ask for the particulars.It is a good house with a good income.If not can someone please help with a mortgage payment and some anti-biotics and one test? My mind i certainly functional enough to handle that. To be this ill with this burden and constant hope and then disappointment month after month is more than I can bear anymore. I won't talk about faith as not to offend but God bless you--I have been a broken shell of a human being for over a year--feels like a ghost. So alone. Please help and let me see how I can help you and others. Thank you so much-Marilyn About to lose everything along with my legs and sanity. Grateful for anything--even some kind doctor. Embarrassed for complaining.
gacsmarilyn@msn.com I know most have financial needs and sadly-sick children-is there anyone who can relate to
Cushing's and Lyme's disease?
I can verify all and wish to give back. I am alone. |
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