A depressed girl with a poet's romance longs to get out of life
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Dear friends, acquaintances, and kind-hearted individuals who come across my story. My name is Sue. I was born in a poor family. Until now, when I am 28 years old, our family is still in the whirlpool of poverty without any improvement. My parents are factory workers, long wandering in a foreign land, because they have no skills, so they can only do physical work. Their working environment is harsh, coupled with their age, they have many physical problems, but they do not have much money to go to the hospital. Once there, it costs a lot of money. But they still have to work to make ends meet. Last year, my grandfather was tortured and died in his hospital bed, and my grandmother, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia many years ago, has gradually improved through treatment in recent years, because of an accident in life, she tripped while going to the toilet, so she can only be paralyzed in bed and cannot take care of herself. My parents could only take care of her after work. She was lonely and diagnosed with as many as 17 diseases, including depression. She had told me, obediently, that she wanted to die, too, but she could not, that before she was paralyzed, that she could still walk very, very slowly, and speak a little, but now she could no longer speak, and even swallowing was a difficulty. I know she must be in pain.
I suffer, too. I don't know if it's a genetic problem or a problem in my brain or personality that causes me to repeatedly fall into the arms of depression. In high school, repressed emotions flared up, and I was diagnosed with depression. My parents and relatives around me thought I was mentally ill, and they equated people suffering from depression with patients in mental hospitals. At that time, I was very uncomfortable, and then gradually relieved, because I knew that it was beyond their knowledge and cognitive limitations, so it was okay to never be understood.
I spent all these years alone, with no classmates, no friends, and no one sent down by God to save me. Because of poverty, I have low self-esteem. Because of depression, I have been unemployed for a long time. Before intermittently engaged in some waiters, factory workers and other selling physical work, an hour up to $3.48. I'm writing this now in a crowded rental room in a living room crammed with suitcases and their belongings that can accommodate 10 people. People come and go, of all ages, and valuables have to be hidden.
I want to change myself very much. Before, I had been deeply confused and could not find the direction at all. There was no one to help me. I also rarely post information on the Internet, although I follow the news. It was in the news that a rich person was donating money, so five days ago I asked her for help via Instagram, but there was no response. I have no choice, desperate, random search on the Internet, did not expect me to meet such a platform. This is the first time I know that there is such a platform in the world, which can give some help to people in financial difficulties. Thank you very much indeed. Thank you to those of you who are watching this for your patience and great kindness.
In 2023, I fell into depression and did not leave the bed, and I was addicted to the illusory network novels of mobile phones, and the rest was confused. Later, it was boring and self-loathing reached its peak, and I began to write a diary, writing and writing, and I did not expect to write poetry. I didn't expect 100,000 words. I submitted a few articles, but they never went anywhere. Gradually I realized that it was difficult to earn a living from my poetry, because I was not famous and did not know how to use the Internet to expose myself. Here, I use Google software to translate and paste my poetry. Sincerely to you.
1. "My Heart Is Like the Sea"
My heart is like the sea
I miss the sea, whose bottom heart is weeping
-- Winding
Just flow silently, silently
Hiccup; silently
Close one's mouth
2. Love before dawn
The night will not be longer
Make love before dusk
The moon can also embrace the sun
3. The moon runs out of the sky
Falling in your eye socket
I think I fell in love
A black sky
In 2024, I have a firm direction, and I am no longer always confused. I want to master a skill to support myself, I choose photography, in fact, that is what I have always wanted, the biggest secret of my heart about the dream is to be a photography darkroom artist. It's a bit of a fantasy, because there's a long way to go. It's hard to survive, let alone live far away. Even if it is not possible, it is good to learn these techniques, and I love the experimental works of master photographers.
I signed up for a 10-month photography training class in the local area, which costs more than $4384.6. It was supposed to start on March 1, but I didn't have enough money, and the training school didn't support installment payment, so I had to pay it all at once before the start of the school. I got into trouble and started an online loan, which had extremely high interest rates. I gradually could not afford it, so I had to change to a 5-month photography course, which started on March 17th, and the tuition fee was nearly $2533.2, excluding PS, and the learning cost of PS training class was also $2783.7. It's expensive, maybe I can teach myself.
The school did not provide equipment, so I bought a camera and a lens, which cost more than $4175.4, and I could not afford to buy anything else. These alone greatly maxed out my credit card limit and depleted my poor savings. It reminds me to make the repayment every month, and I still have to pay the rent, which is $104.4 a month. Food, daily necessities, mobile phone bills and other miscellaneous. I've been saving as much as I can. I haven't bought clothes in years. Instead, I use Vaseline for skin care, don't use makeup, and only buy sunscreen to protect against UV rays. I also need to buy flash lights and other lamps to start the journey of photography money, in fact, this is not enough, if conditions, also have to add a lens or two.
I don't have a smartphone now, just a mobile phone for the elderly, but I'm lucky to have a laptop, which has been with me until now.
So no matter how much money you donate, I would appreciate it. If you want to witness my growth, I am willing to open Facebook to record my growth at any time. Please believe me, I can, I want to make a change, I want to realize my dream, I also want to use the camera to create value for the society one day, such as taking photos of Marine garbage, to promote an environmental change; Photographing the same sex group, so that people can be more fair, because love is regardless of gender, there is no need to discriminate; Take pictures of the life of the elderly, because everyone will be old at some point, then how will we live.
Please help me, soon to start school, I am very anxious, the financial situation is very dangerous. This is my only chance to get into the photography world and I want to learn. I will find a way to fight hunger, and then realize my dream in life. Please help me. Thank you very, very much for watching. Thank you so much. Thank you for taking the time to read my message. Any contribution, no matter the size, will help me take a step towards a brighter future. Your support will mean more than just improving my living situation, and it is also helping me build my confidence, smiling again.
I am immensely grateful for any support you can provide. I hope that together we can turn this hope into a reality, come out of depression, and regain the sun.
With gratitude, I sincerely wish every kind person good health.
I don't have any international bank or credit cards，although I signed in a paypal,but it doesn't work.
Sue
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